Dear Naruto Fanfiction Authors
by Chelty-Chan
Summary: The Naruto cast discover the Fanfiction site, and after reading the stories in the archive, have more than a few things to say. Humorous short letters to Naruto fanfiction authors: what the characters have to say about common fanfiction cliches. humor, sillyfic. Canon info only.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my attempt at getting over my annoying writer's block. (expect updates on my stories later this week)**

**Sooo, this is dedicated to **Sariniste**. Mostly because she is like one of the awesomest writers I know, fanfiction and real world wise. And also because it's a parody of her own story '**Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors' **which you should seriously read if you love Bleach…and laughing your lungs out.**

**Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing here, not even the idea. Please don't take it too seriously, just poking a little fun is all. That said, enjoy!**

_**I wanted to start with Naruto, since he's the main character and all. But Sasuke's was finished first. *sweatdrop***_

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**X-X-X-X-X-X**

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**Dear Naruto Fanfiction Authors,**

Normally I wouldn't bother with something as stupid as this, but the studio execs threatened to fire me if I didn't.

**(coughs to clear throat.)**

The amount of stories on your inane site pairing me with the Dobe is seriously disturbing, and more so is the fact that most of them are written by females. What is with all of you and this so called yaoi? Just because I told the Dobe that he's my best friend does not mean I harbor secret homo erotic feelings for him. **Obviously.**

As for kissing him, are you all so pea-brained that I need to remind you that both incidences were clearly accidents?

Like I'd willingly kiss that ramen-loving idiot. No one cares much for ramen breath.

**Crazed fangirl pops us and points accusing finger**: AHA! So you remember what sweet Naruto-chan's mouth tasted like. You are so hungry for more of-

**Sasuke**: *runs her through with a chidori-charged Kusanagi*

**(clears throat.)** As I was saying, I am not interested in the Dobe, or any of the people you pair me up with.

Sakura is - was my teammate, so I suppose there was a time I cared for her general well-being to some extent, but that was a long time ago and I am not, nor will I ever be interested in her that way. Just as I am not interested in Ino, Tenten or Hinata, or any of those rabid fangirls. They are all annoying.

As are all of you and your pathetic excuses for stories.

If you want to write about romance, use some other characters, but you will be wise to refrain from including me in any more of your stories.

Especially ones about me and Aniki. There was nothing incestuous about our bond. Anyone I find writing about us in such a manner, will suffer that fate.

**(points at the crazed fangirl he'd stabbed earlier.)**

_**Uchiha Sasuke**_

_**X-X-X-X_X-X-X**_

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**Naruto**: Oi, did you really have to kill that girl, Teme?

**Sasuke:** she was asking for it, insinuating that I would want to kiss you of all people again. ***scoffs and rolls his eyes*** please.

**Naruto:** (sweatdrops)….. Right.


	2. Uzumaki Naruto

_Dedicated to "_**Illi-777**_", simply for being one of the awesomest people I know! You're the best doll!_

_Expect more updates in a couple hours, fanfiction is not co-operating with me *sigh*_

_I own nada! Now on to ze chapter!_

**X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X**

**Dear Naruto fanfiction authors,**

So, my cast members and I recently found your site, and after reading some of your 'stories', I only have one thing to say:

_**What the hell is wrong with you people?! **_

Over three quarters of your stories are cheesy romances! Where's the action, the battles, the showdowns with all the cool jutsu?!

I mean, come on people, it's a _**Shounen**_ Manga. That means it's all about action! About Ninja! With mind-blowing abilities and techniques! You'd think that would be inspiration enough to write about epic adventures and bad-ass ninja fights, but nooo, you just want to write about '_**feelings'**_ and '_**epiphanies'**_ and, and, and.. ***gestures wildly with arms***…'_**Love'**_.

(**Sakura pops up**) Stop exaggerating Naruto, there are plenty of adventure stories with awesome techniques on the site. Most of them portray you as a Shinobi that's ungodly strong, though. ***rolls eyes*** those authors, clearly, are very unfamiliar with the concept of OOCness.

(Naruto bristles.) Get out of my letter, Sakura-chan. If you wanna complain, go write your own.

(**huffs and crosses arms.)** Fine. Maybe I will.

**(Naruto rolls eyes as an irritated Sakura leaves.) **

(**clears throat.)** As I was saying, enough with the stupid love stories! I mean, I may be the main character, but that doesn't mean I should be paired with everyone else! I'm paired with everyone and their mother! And I mean that literally! I mean, Naruto X Shikamaru's Mom? WTF?!

I don't even know what his mother looks like!

At least pairing me with Sakura-chan or the other Konoha kunoichi would make sense, hell even Gaara's sister would make more sense! (*whispers* but don't tell him or Kankuro I said that. They'll skewer me.)

And don't get me started on all those stories pairing me with the bastard. Obviously I'm not into guys if I've been professing my feelings for Sakura-chan all this while!

Seriously, you all need some serious therapy.

And another thing: I am not half- Uchiha! My mom was an Uzumaki, not an Uchiha! I don't have the Sharingan!

**(**Sai pops up**) but don't your eyes turn red when you're upset? I don't blame these people for being mistaken.**

(falters) well… that still doesn't mean I have the Sharingan! It's just cause of the Kyuubi! I don't have a Kekkei Genkai!

**(**Kakashi pops up**) Maa, Naruto. Relax. It's just fiction; they're allowed to write about things that don't exist.**

(Naruto huffs) fine. *crosses arms* they can write whatever they want.

**(**Kakashi smiles his patented eye curve smile**©) that's a good attitude Naruto. As the title character, you have the most influence on the show's marketability.**

(Naruto huffs and rolls his eyes) yeah, yeah, as long as the stories are NOT about me and the teme!

_**Sincerely,**_

_**Uzumaki Naruto**_

_**(Future Hokage)**_

**Kakashi : (sweatdrops) ***_**sotto voce**_*** **_I wonder what he'd do if he found out Naruto-Sasuke stories are the most popular on the site._

**Sai: **_was that last bit really necessary?_

**Sakura: *sneers* **_yeah, who says you're gonna be Hokage?_

**Naruto: *pumps a fist* **_I _**will**_ be Hokage someday. You better believe it._

**Sai and Sakura throw him unimpressed looks.**

**Kakashi (off to the side): …**_he really needs to stop saying 'believe it' all the time._

**NEXT: either Hinata or Sakura. Im leaning towards Sakura though. Or I could go team by team for order's sake, you guys decide ^_^. Also, drop any fanfiction clichés you'd like to see debunked by the cast.**


End file.
